tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post8441325967954011304..comments2023-05-24T01:07:34.250-07:00Comments on Bad Mommy LA: This Home is Not BrokenMick Kubiakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-25010313394655524862020-01-28T22:27:56.650-08:002020-01-28T22:27:56.650-08:00Thank You ❤️Thank You ❤️Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-75805013208776759532020-01-28T22:24:53.263-08:002020-01-28T22:24:53.263-08:00❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-77174050437735565092011-06-05T23:04:58.766-07:002011-06-05T23:04:58.766-07:00Kristina Robbins wrote in to say this:
Happily m...Kristina Robbins wrote in to say this:<br /><br /><br />Happily married child of divorce here. Struggling through my own stories, sure, but not because my parents got divorced. Life is way too complex to identify the bogeyman of anyone's personal suffering to one cause. On the other hand, the greatest source of strength we have is our ability to become ever more present, aware and awake. When a parent can model that for a child we build in them the resilience to deal with whatever inevitable traumas they face. So good on you Mick for tackling this storytelling monster of certain doom post divorce. Your awareness is the greatest gift a mother can give. We can't shield our children from trauma but we can prepare them to handle it. Great post.Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-9086885246043643882011-06-04T09:35:15.765-07:002011-06-04T09:35:15.765-07:00Don't even get me started!!! Such an important...Don't even get me started!!! Such an important article you have written. LOVE that you wrote thiscymbelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05443218186628959005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-73336669051767332352011-06-03T17:02:08.634-07:002011-06-03T17:02:08.634-07:00Mary Trunk wrote this:
Hey thanks, Mick. I love ...Mary Trunk wrote this:<br /><br />Hey thanks, Mick. I love your work. Already read it on FB so I'll spread the word. I must admit I did not fully read the Judith book but it came out (or the one I know about) when I was making my film "The Watershed" about my parents' horrible divorce. I got the feeling that her thesis was not that people shouldn't divorce but that they often forget all about parenting and that's where the damage and pain comes in (my family exactly). I saw her on a talk show and the host kept trying to get her to admit that divorce is a bad thing and she just wouldn't. (I'm now wondering if it's the same Judith!) Anyway, I do agree with that idea. Some couples just can't be together and some are still good parents despite the break-up. And I totally agree that there are so many factors in our lives outside of divorce/break-ups that shape our personalities. I know for a fact that I'd still be the same fucked up person I am even if my parents stayed together! One last thing, I've noticed that some kids whose parents break-up just can't understand or even wrap their head around the idea that they can love two people who no longer love each other. I have a nephew who even now more than five years after the divorce of his parents and his dad's remarriage, still wants his parents to get back together. Very interesting topic, for sure. My guess is that you are a great mother - reflective, aware and willing to learn from mistakes. I could use a lesson or two from you. Thanks, MMick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-24026183311393074812011-06-01T11:51:09.911-07:002011-06-01T11:51:09.911-07:00Paul Rossi wrote in to say:
My mother is a commit...Paul Rossi wrote in to say:<br /><br />My mother is a committed "defender of marriage at all costs", and I've got all sorts of problems so what does that tell you? It's a racket that sells books and adds garnish to people's bitter lives. At least we're sacrificing! It's for the children!!!Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-15737079562621267882011-05-30T21:29:26.844-07:002011-05-30T21:29:26.844-07:00As a child of divorce, my mother and aunt were inv...As a child of divorce, my mother and aunt were involved in similar abusive relationships with alcoholics while I was growing up. My mother was strong enough to divorce my dad when I was 4-5 years old. Unfortunately, my aunt stayed married "for the kids". My mother IS a strong single-mother who worked hard and raised 2 children to adulthood without a dime of assistance. My cousin and sister both get their feminine independence from my wonderful mother. There is one difference, my cousin harbors a deep resentful hatred towards her own mother. Nothing against my uncle, but she hates that her mother was not happy for all those years and did nothing to change that for herself. Children will not appreciate any sacrifices made FOR them if the home environment is filled with tension, stress, and feelings that are not genuine. What is best "for the children" is to provide a home with genuine feelings of love and happiness. If divorce occurs, it CAN teach them independence, strength, and self-confidence; but I have always followed 4 simple truths: water's wet, the sky is blue, babies WILL cry, and I LOVE MY WIFE! I am happily married with 2 beautiful girls, and I would do nothing to stifle that inner warrior princess in any of them.ALANDChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13792695834813446688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-14125257835298814192011-05-28T23:43:52.822-07:002011-05-28T23:43:52.822-07:00Thank you, Steph, for reading and, especially, res...Thank you, Steph, for reading and, especially, responding.Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-20991644261516882012011-05-28T23:18:30.055-07:002011-05-28T23:18:30.055-07:00well well well... to ms. wallerstein i say this: m...well well well... to ms. wallerstein i say this: my parents stayed together, unhappily, for 25 years, for the sake of the children. the only thing is everyone, including the children, KNEW they were miserable. the message it gave to my brother and me was "endure your pain and don't take action towards changing it and maybe even create martyrdom out of it". they divorced just as i ended college and that was the onset of the 10 most excruciating years of my life, (yes, culminating with 911) partially BECAUSE young children adapt more easily than 20-something year olds, i believe. <br /><br />the effect this has had on my relationships is complex and not something that i would at all classify as 'healthy'. but as the very late bloomer mother (as you know) of baby twin boys (at age 41) i can say that i feel incredibly GOOD about the fact that i am NOT married, but partnered with their father, and even if this partnership does not ultimately work out i will always do my very best to live authentically in front of my children -- for the sake of helping them to learn how to make choices that will produce well-being in their lives; even if those choices canNOT be easily classified or categorized or understood. <br /><br />on an endnote, i so so so very much appreciate your discussion about trauma and the stories we may tell ourselves to perpetuate it. this resonates deeply with me; and it helps me to clarify the type of work that i want to engage with towards unraveling, as well as letting go of, some of these stories.<br /><br />thank you dear friend for sharing this beautiful nugget of insight.Stephanie Maucerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04207097471813236646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-24632560391490376232011-05-28T15:07:22.550-07:002011-05-28T15:07:22.550-07:00Sara Press, like many others, had trouble posting ...Sara Press, like many others, had trouble posting here at blogspot. But her response must be read, so I'm posting it myself:<br /><br />Mick, I'm glad to know what is going on with you and to read your fantastic perspective. It sounds like you are doing the best thing and in the healthiest way. <br />My parents separated/divorced when I was 5 or 6, and in retrospect it was a great thing for all of us. I've seen it that way since I was a teenager. They too kept it civil and supportive. I feel passionately that watching parents suffer in an unhappy marriage is more traumatic and more damaging to a child than divorce. I got to watch my mom flourish and grow in new directions, I got to spend more quality time with my dad than I would have, and watched him grow from distant into a nurturer, and I eventually ended up with two wonderful step-parents who enriched my life.<br />I think your decision to put E first is what is defining this situation as beneficial for her. Meanness, hatred and incivility is damaging to a kid whether a couple is married or split. Mutual respect is a fantastic model whether between married parents, divorced parents, or total strangers.<br />At the risk of ranting even longer than your blog post, I'd like to say that in spite of being a child of divorce, I have been able to form many lifelong relationships of all different varieties, including a happy marriage, and these relationships are my highest priority in life. What my parents taught me, by doing what was best for themselves, was not to settle for being unhappy in *any* relationship.Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-24530886350109408512011-05-28T10:06:43.774-07:002011-05-28T10:06:43.774-07:00Thanks, Karl. Good to have your voice on here!Thanks, Karl. Good to have your voice on here!Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-67226011246501063312011-05-28T08:39:31.076-07:002011-05-28T08:39:31.076-07:00You are a warrior! You are telling me that you ha...You are a warrior! You are telling me that you have awareness of your stories, and the power to live beyond them. I am sorry for what has been lost for you, and I am thrilled to read that you have that much personal power to be aware that you are not trapped! Yes!Karlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17532681614934770175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-42993190663073735292011-05-28T08:34:21.140-07:002011-05-28T08:34:21.140-07:00Thank you, Claire!Thank you, Claire!Mick Kubiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660219111109914555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2265481863947176767.post-40546379305698775372011-05-28T05:09:56.228-07:002011-05-28T05:09:56.228-07:00This is such a powerful post, Mick. Welcome back. ...This is such a powerful post, Mick. Welcome back. I think that seeing through the stories is absolutely vital. It was something I certainly had to do in order to overcome my own trauma. I can't even begin to describe how liberating it was to discover that it was a fucking STORY I'd been carrying around all those years, and that it was completely within my power to change that story. <br /><br />You will teach your beautiful daughter how to create her own stories, about that I have no doubt.Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04244838359721165141noreply@blogger.com